The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
