Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
