Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
