small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
