He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
