if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
