I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
