i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
