I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
