And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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