He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
