Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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