i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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