She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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