They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
