no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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