D3 body, D1 cock
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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