The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize