Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
