$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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