I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
