He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
