She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
