Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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