I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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