i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
