My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think i have two assholes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
