Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
