when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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