Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
