he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
