MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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