Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize