Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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