"it" just moved
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
