My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
