shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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