I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
