its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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