I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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