Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
