Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
