She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it's great music for shaving your balls
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
