If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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