i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
