So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
