i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
