I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize