I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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