Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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