i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
