these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
