I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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