3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
oh god the rape fog is back!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
