I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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