he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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