I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
