I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
