he shaved USA in his pubs
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
