Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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