dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I need to align my fucking chakras
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
