we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
