Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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